CRUCIFIXIAN: Home of DJ Xian
- Los Angeles, CA (Beverly Hills)
Xian's version of The Illustrated Guide to Goth Hunting originally found here:
Now...I think this could be done much better. I think everyone here could come up with significantly more malevolent and mischievious scenarios. For instance:
Goth Hunting: Cover the middle of the dancefloor with a 3'x3' stretch of fly paper. Put a singular contact lense or penny in the middle for bait. Go to the DJ and request Cocteau Twins or Lycia. Take your trophy home and mount on the wall in it's authentic pose straight out of its natural environment. Placate with compliments of grace, hair and makeup. Tell them they're the only real goth in a city of posers.
On to more dangerous game:
Deathrocker Hunting: Hang fishnetting with sharp hooks rediculously low to the dancefloor, so that anyone of normal height and hair poofery will be fine. Go to the DJ and request Sexbeat or UK Decay. The Deathrocker's beehive of hair and inclination to throw their arms up with render them immobile in the net. Remember to firmly attach the net to the ceiling or the deathrocker will rip it down and continue to dance with it attached to their person. Leave hanging until lack of food and fluids renders the deathrocker weak and domestic. Take them home and cook for them. This act will lead to them moving in altogether and you may keep your deathrocker pet for as long as you like by continuing to feed them and supply plenty of hairspray.
Deathrocker Fishing: Get a really really really big balloon and just sit there, patiently rubbing it until the balloon generates an ungodly charge of static electricity. Set it afloat into the dancefloor attached by heavy duty deep sea fishing line. By the powers of ionization, anyone with the proper surface area of hair will attract the balloon and become stuck to it. Pull in your prize.** Ground the deathrocker and throw them back into the dance floor.
**Check for authenticity. Instigate
a conversation with the "deathrocker" by telling them you think Rozz was
a wannabe Sid. Anyone who is not a deathrocker will stare at you
blankly and shrug and possibly ask, "who?" or say, "oh get over it already."
/ ORDO CRUENTUS CRUX PRODUCTIONS